The First CARE Packages

Shortly after World War II, the Cooperative for American Remittances to Europe (CARE) was established to help rebuild Europe and feed those displaced by the war. The first CARE packages, therefore, were to Europe, not to the developing areas in the world that we usually think about. But since at least the 1970s, we’ve often used the term CARE package to apply to packages sent to college students.

What’s The Connection to College Students Today?

College students face an array of stressors, including academic pressure, social adjustments, and homesickness. These pressures are real, and they may lead to students’ academic failure, and other personal challenges. One of the primary benefits of CARE packages is the emotional support they provide. According to a study by Thurber and Walton (2012) homesickness affects up to 94% of college students, especially those in the first year. A package from home can help alleviate these feelings by providing a tangible connection to family and friends. Dr. Susan Whitbourne, professor of Psychological and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, notes that “gifts from home can serve as transitional objects, helping students feel connected to their families and reducing anxiety.”

What To Include

CARE packages often contain practical items that students might need but forget to purchase or can’t easily obtain on campus. This can include:

• – Specific personal care items
• – Familiar snacks and comfort foods
• – School supplies
• – Seasonal clothing items

While I support the personal care and school supply contents of CARE packages, I’m usually in it for the snacks, especially homemade ones. If you create items such as energy squares, homemade Chex Mix, cookies and brownies, send them on. And be sure to send enough for your student to share: that will increase their popularity on their floor!

Bringing Them Comfort

Some of the stress relief students experience as a result of a CARE package comes from the warm feeling they get when you show you care about them. The specific items you choose to include can make a difference, too. Including items such as stress balls, aromatherapy products, or even simple games can give them both a break from studying, and are a great way for managing their stress. And given that 41.6% of college students reported anxiety as a top concern, anything we do to help our students manage stress is worth it.

CARE packages can also help your student develop healthy habits. Sending them items like herbal teas, nutritious snacks, or exercise accessories can promote self-care and a healthy lifestyle for your student. Another way to support their self-care is slipping in notes from family members and friends so they have a tangible connection to their at-home support system. A study published in the Journal of American College Health found that CARE packages containing health-promoting items increased students’ likelihood of engaging in healthy behaviors.

Boosting Academic Performance?

While there may not be a direct causal link, the emotional and practical support provided by CARE packages may contribute to improved academic performance. A 2009 article in the Journal of College Student Development by Pettit and Roberts (2009) found that the social support college students experience was positively correlated to high academic achievement. And college students—who often feel less supported in their new college environment—deserve any support we can give them, even at a distance. A CARE package is often just the ticket.

Sending CARE packages to college students is more than just a kind gesture; it’s an investment in their well-being and success. It can provide emotional support, practical assistance, stress relief, and encouragement of healthy habits. More importantly, however, they keep you closely connected with your student when they may need that connection the most.

And don’t skimp on the homemade treats….

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Why Connect With Other Parents?

For one thing, you’re joining an important new club, and it helps to meet your fellow club members. More importantly, you and the other parents will share many new experiences. As I’ve mentioned several times on this site, it isn’t just students who are transitioning to college: you are, too.

Meeting other parents who are going through the same experience can provide invaluable emotional support. Social support from others in your situation can help you manage your stress and make this transition easier. You’ll also be able to share your concerns and excitement with others who know what you’re going through.

What Do They Know That You Don’t

Parents who already have a student in college can be great resources to those of us who are new. You might learn from them about campus resources you hadn’t considered, get tips on navigating financial aid, or hear about off-campus housing options. This is in addition to what you learn from official university channels. Other parents often have the “inside scoop,” and are happy to share it with you.

Hearing Different Perspectives

Every student experiences college differently. The same applies to their parents. As your student encounters challenges and obstacles, many of us want to rush in and fix the problem. We know that’s not the best thing to do, but “that’s my baby girl!” But we’re perfectly able to sit back and reflect when the same thing is happening to another student. Why not call in a lifeline of your new parent friends when you become concerned after a distressed phone call from your student? Their different perspective may give you the time to get your heart and head to arrive at a joint solution.

And if someone helps you in a time of stress, don’t forget to pay that forward. The wide range of perspectives and backgrounds we offer each other as the parents of college students benefits both us and our students. Further, the long term connections you make with other parents can be especially meaningful as you engage in events like parents’ weekends, graduations, and even post-college transitions.

How to Do It

Be sure to attend parent-specific events during orientation. Parent orientation sessions often include presentations on academics, financial aid, student life, student conduct and support systems on campus. The best colleges also engage parents in formal and informal conversation with other parents. So, be approachable, introduce yourself, and don’t be afraid to take the first step. At the same time, be open to sharing some of your concerns with other parents. Odds are, you won’t be alone.

Another good tip is sharing contact information. If you hit it off with other parents, don’t hesitate to exchange phone numbers or email addresses with them. You could create a group chat or email list, or absent that, just reach our informally. Once you’re back home, a simple “It was great to meet you” message can solidify the new connection.

I also encourage parents to join any parent groups offered by your student’s university. These groups become quite lively during times like midterm exams, or during fraternity and sorority pledging. They’re particularly valuable when parents post questions, thoughts and suggestions for other parents, so look for groups that offer more than simply one-way communication from the university to you.

And if you live near other parents or will be visiting campus at the same time, consider planning get-togethers. This can be especially helpful during move-in day or parents’ weekend.

Don’t Be The Strong Silent Type

Some parents are hesitant about reaching out to others during or after orientation. You might worry about appearing overly anxious or intrusive. Remember that most parents are feeling the same mix of emotions you are. By taking the initiative to connect, you’re likely helping others who are too shy to make the first move. You’re building your own new network just as your student is building theirs.

Never underestimate the value of connecting with other parents during orientation. These connections can provide emotional support, practical information, and a sense of community for you during a time of significant change.

Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. Reach out, connect, and embrace the community of parents who are right there with you, ready to support each other through the ups and downs of the college years ahead.

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Start the Conversation Early

For all but a few of us, college is extraordinarily expensive, and a significant family investment. As early as possible, be clear with your student about financial expectations, but also provide them with specific tools, and numbers to think about. Tell them, for example, how much spending money you’ll provide them.  Anything beyond that will have to come from them.

Create a Budget Together

The first step in managing money is often creating a budget—with them, not for them. The budget will help them keep track of their expenses, and give them a reality check when they overspend. Collaborate with your child to create a budget that accounts for all their income and expenses, including tuition, fees, housing, books, and living expenses. By guiding them through the process, you can teach them how to make informed financial decisions and prioritize their spending. But remember that things will come up: a late night pizza run may not be in the budget, but doesn’t hurt in the short run. One objective of budgeting is to identify where students have flexibility for the occasional splurge. And those pizza runs—in moderation—are one way students make connections with other students, an important part of college.

Smart Spending

Beyond pizza runs, there are other ways students spend money. One example is fancy coffee drinks. The occasional $5.00 coffee is okay, but it’s far too easy for students to get into the habit of hitting the coffee shop on campus multiple times per day. And those coffees can add up quickly.

At the same time, give your student license to purchase important academic materials they didn’t know about beforehand. Some courses may offer students optional materials or study guides, beyond the required course materials. If your student chooses to purchase one of those—even beyond the budget—they’re likely making a wise academic decision. Remember that the budget is ultimately to support their success in college, and these additional materials will help them do that.

Never Underestimate the Power of Student Discounts

Businesses within college towns offer all kinds of student discounts. Encourage your student to always carry their student ID consistently and to inquire about student discounts when shopping, dining out, or attending events. Many students miss out on these deals simply because they don’t ask for them. Online platforms like UNiDAYS and Student Beans can also provide access to exclusive deals for students. Encouraging your student to take advantage of these opportunities helps them become smart consumers.

Consider a Budgeting App

There are several budgeting apps available to college students. These apps can help student track both income and expenses, and pay bills. While there are several on the market, I’d recommend downloading one that’s free at first. The free versions may not contain all of the app features, but it’s enough to get started. Another great advantage of these apps is they allow your student to manage their budget from their phone, making it more likely they’ll use the apps. Common budgeting apps include Mint, EveryDollar, YNAB (You Need a Budget), and Goodbudget. These apps consolidate financial information and offer insights into spending habits, which can help your student make better financial choices.

Promote Wise Uses of Credit and Debit Cards

Credit and debit cards are valuable tools for students, who have grown up in a minimal-cash society. Teach them how to use these cards responsibly. And if they don’t have any yet, help them choose cards with low-interest rates and no annual fees. I also recommend having a monthly finance meeting with your student to discuss spending and upcoming expenses so you have a regular dialogue about money.

As a parent, you play an essential role in helping your college student develop healthy financial habits. By creating a budget together, encouraging smart spending, finding student discounts, teaching responsible credit card use, setting up automatic savings, and tracking spending, you empower your child to take control of their finances: an essential life skill.

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Why Summer

While summer may not be the ideal time to visit a campus (fewer students, less sense of the campus “vibe”), it’s still a valid time to see what a college is like. And some folks, such as admission staff or student affairs staff are often more available during the summer to answer questions. In addition, visiting as part of a family vacation is often less stressful for your student than when they’re actively applying. And here’s an important tip: let your student take the lead on the visit with you as an active supporter. This can be the first part of their approaching college like a young adult. Make the most of it!

Before You Plan Your Trip

I’m not suggesting that you change your long-planned trip to some exotic location to travel half way across the county to visit a college your student is thinking of. You can do that if you wish. My focus here is on incorporating college visits into the vacation you’ve already planned. Keep in mind that you could visit a school your student isn’t considering for two reasons. First, that college may offer some of the academic programs your student is interested in. But more importantly, it gives you a benchmark on what things you can look for in future college visits.

While on vacation in Florida years ago, we visited a beautiful school before either of our kids was thinking about colleges. The campus was wonderful as was the academic program, but neither of my kids wanted to attend school on a campus of that small size nor in a waterfront location. This helped them cross a number of potential schools off their lists right off the bat.

Scheduling Visits

Many colleges have specific times for tours and information sessions, which may include meetings with admissions counselors, faculty, and current students. Ask about the possibility of visiting or sitting in on classes, or meeting with faculty in your student’s intended major. Even though it’s summer, many schools will offer these opportunities.

Be Systematic

Agree beforehand to ask questions about academics, campus life, fraternities and sororities, diversity, and other things your student cares about. Be sure to ask about class size, learning resources, and career services, too. Take a critical look at the campus. Does it appear clean and do people seem to care about the place? How do people in the bookstore or library greet you or your student? What you see and hear is likely what your student will be seeing and hearing for four years.

And while you’re at it, have someone—perhaps a sibling—take pictures and notes during your visit. This will help you all remember what you experienced while on that campus.

Connect With the Tour Guide

Our daughter served as an Admissions Ambassador while in college, giving tours and interviews with prospective students. These admissions staffers are excellent resources for you. Sure, they’re likely to be big supporters of their school, but they also understand the importance of finding the right college for each student.

We visited a college years ago with a party school reputation, and I asked the tour guide about that. As I recall, I asked something like: “This school has the reputation as a party school. When you hear that, how do you respond to that?” The tour guide handled the questions well, acknowledging that if students really wanted to find parties, they can find them. But she also pointed out the vibrant campus activity schedule that keeps students focused on the right things. She gave a great response, and volunteered other valuable information during out tour. And if you’re touring with a smaller group—common in summer—you can get many of your individual questions answered. Don’t miss out on this opportunity.

Don’t Forget the Neighborhood

During your campus visit take a look at the town or city in which the college is located. Would your student be comfortable and welcomed living there for four years? Visiting in summer offers an advantage here. In some communities, there is a tension between the regular towns people and college students. During the school year, many people in town shrug off the tension, given how important the college may be to the local economy. In the summer, however, that veneer of niceness may fade. If your student feels really uncomfortable in the local convenience or grocery store, that should raise at least a yellow flag for them. Students are, after all, attending college within a community, and they should feel comfortable in both.

Reflect on the Experience

After the vacation, take time as a family to discuss the visits. Reflect on what you all experienced during each of the college visits. This is a valuable opportunity to narrow down choices and prepare for applications and future visits. Again, let your student take the lead, but prompt them with questions such as: could you see yourself there for four years? Or, what would you think would be the best or most challenging thing about going to school there? Help them evaluate their experience of this visit so they’re better prepared for making future decisions such as whether to apply to that school or not.

Conclusion

Using a family vacation for college visits can be a rewarding and efficient way to explore college options. With careful planning and a balance of fun and exploration, your family can make the most of the experience, providing valuable insights and memories during your student’s journey to college.

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Graduating on Time

For many universities, students need 120 semester credits to graduate on time. This translates to 15 credits per semester for 8 semesters for students who want to graduate in exactly four years. So far, so good. Sometimes this can be tough, especially when students take a really tough course load during a semester. On the other hand, some may overload with 18 credits during a semester when the courses align just the right way. Overloading carries some risk, but enrolling in summer school to graduate on time—or early—carries far less risk. Summer school offers students the ability to maximize their time.

Graduating Ahead of Schedule

Summer school can also help students by accelerating their progress toward graduation. By completing prerequisite courses or electives during the summer, they can free up space in their schedules for more advanced coursework during the regular academic year. Other students take really tough courses during summer school so they can focus only on that course. One of my former students took her required math course in the summer and said it was the best thing she’d ever done.

It’s Often More Intense

The condensed nature of summer school courses provides a more intensive learning experience. Student have fewer distractions and a shorter time frame in summer. This encourages them to become immersed in their studies early, often leading to greater focus and academic achievement. Summer schools classes are also often smaller, which can make it easier for faculty to help students who need their assistance. Students often tell me that they retain what they’ve learned in summer school classes more easily because of how intense they are. And the more credits they earn during the summer, the earlier they can graduate.

It May Cost Less

Summer school can help students earn their degrees earlier, but it’s important to compare summer tuition costs to the regular semester. Student and families should also consider how taking summer classes may impact their financial aid. The last thing they want to do is to lose some financial aid eligibility during a regular semester because of summer classes. But if that is a danger, you might consider paying for summer school out of pocket, if that’s possible.

What To Do While in High School

High school students can work on graduating from college early, too. Ideally, planning for this should ideally start early in high school, long before they set foot on a college campus.

High school students can take advantage of Advanced Placement (AP) courses, International Baccalaureate (IB) programs, and dual enrollment opportunities to earn college credits while still in high school. While AP courses get a lot of the attention in rankings of high school rigor, they’re only the most well-known way to earn college credits while still in high school.

What’s Happening at Their Community College?

Dual enrollment programs allow high school students to enroll in college courses while simultaneously completing their high school requirements. By participating in these programs, students can earn both high school and college credits, which reduces the time and cost of earning a college degree. Examine the policies of your local community college. Does it allow students with a certain grade point average to enroll in college courses during the summer? If so, that’s an excellent way to earn early college credits, and to learn how college classes operate. For example, entering college students are often stunned by the amount of work they’re expected to do outside of class. If they learn this during summer school, they’ll be far better prepared when they enroll in college full-time.

Other Options

Both high school and college students can also pursue credit-by-exam programs, such as the College-Level Examination Program (CLEP) and the DSST (DANTES Subject Standardized Tests). These offer students the chance to earn college credits through standardized exams. Students may be able to bypass some introductory college courses if they earn high enough scores on these tests. Check with their college of choice to see which CLEP or DANTES scores are accepted.

Some universities also offer some accelerated degree options. My daughter’s university offered a three-year degree option for several majors, which, not surprisingly, involves at least two complete summer school sessions. While many students want to (and often need to) use the summer for earning money for college, they may still be able to take a summer school class or two.

Students have options when it comes to completing their degrees on time, or even early if they take the proper steps. And given the cost of a college degree, it makes sense to consider ways to reduce that financial burden.

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Summer Break Can Be More Than One Thing

Summer break is seen as a time to relax and unwind, and it is. But at the same time, college students can engage in several activities to support their personal and professional development during the summer. The goal is to return to their studies refreshed, and with new skills and experiences to support their career goals. So, beyond their summer job, here are some valuable ways college students can make the most of their summers.

Get Experience

We’ve all heard the frustration of folks who want jobs but need experience first, yet can’t get the experience without a job. It’s a classic Catch-22. Two ways to avoid this conundrum are internships and externships. Securing an internship or externship related to their field of study provides students with excellent real-world experience. Whether it’s at a corporation, non-profit organization, or research institution, internships allow students to apply classroom knowledge to practical situations, build professional networks, and explore potential career paths.

And contrary to popular opinion, students shouldn’t shy away from larger companies that they admire. Instead, encourage them to align their interests and career goals and look for the best match regardless of size.

Something else to consider: some of these wonderful opportunities may be more available to your students at or near their colleges rather than at home. So, consider encouraging your students to remain at school for summer break rather than coming home if that’s where the best opportunities are.

Research Opportunities

I’ve worked at several colleges where upper-level students had the chance to participate in research activities during summer break. Faculty members often need research assistants for their work, and both undergraduate and graduate students are the perfect folks to provide that.

Engaging in research not only enhances their academic skills, but also demonstrates their commitment to their field of study. This research can also lead to published work, presentations at conferences, and letters of recommendation from faculty mentors, all of which are valuable assets for future endeavors. Participating in research activities during summer break is the perfect opportunity to build their professional network, and make themselves more competitive in either the job market, or for graduate study.

Skill Building Beyond Regular Coursework

Student may also use their summer break to build skills they feel they need. For example, students may take A+ courses during summer, or take a community course in using Microsoft Excel. They may also choose to earn certifications as EMTs, or participate in a weekly Spanish language conversation group. While these skills aren’t directly applicable to their course work, they may help them expand their professional and intellectual horizons.

Volunteer Work

Never underestimate the value of making a difference in the community. Whether it’s tutoring children, assisting at a local food bank, or volunteering for environmental conservation projects, serving others makes a positive impact and also cultivates empathy, leadership, and teamwork skills. Students who engage in volunteer work during summer break may also discover a new passion to pursue once they graduate.

Try Something New

College students can also go outside the box during summer break. The break offers them the ability to pursue personal passions and projects that may have been neglected during the academic year. Some closeted novelists can finally get back to their NaNoWriMo project. Others may learn how to play a musical instrument or launch a small business. And if they struggle with public speaking or writing essays? Have them take a class or join a group to help cultivate transferable skills that might need work through practice, exercises and helpful feedback. These summer activities not only nourish their souls, but may sharpen their problem-solving skills and foster self-expression.

Summer break can still give your student rest and refocus they crave, but needn’t be a three month cycle of solely their summer job and hanging with friends. Adding another element as explained above may make their summer even better.

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The Basics

I’ve worked with both high school and college students who talk about entering specific careers. And too many times when I ask them “how did you choose that major,” they tell me “because it will give me a good or lucrative job.” Fair enough. But these same students don’t have a clue what’s involved in either their intended major or that career. Engineering is a prime example. Many students tell me they want to major in engineering without knowing what engineers do on a day to day basis. They also cringe when I tell them the amount of high level math courses required for engineering majors.

Before your student chooses a major, ask them: why this major? What do you want to do with it? (Note: if the only answer is “to make a lot of money,” keep probing. Making a lot of money- or to put it more nicely, to “have financial security” is laudable. But doing that in a job you absolutely despise is not a way to live.

That can learn a lot about careers or connecting majors to careers through their guidance counselors, or if they’re in college, their academic advisor. I also suggest they connect with the career center as soon as they step foot on their college campus.

What is a Major?

A major is an academic focus that “students specialize in. Typically, between one-third and one-half of the courses you’ll take in college will be in your major or related to it.” They aren’t the only things students study in college, yet they provide a framework for a student’s future career. But so do all the other courses and experiences students have while in college, and this is important. Choosing the major isn’t the end of the career journey: it’s somewhere in the middle.

I often advise students who are undecided on their choice of major to reflect on what they enjoy doing for the fun of it, such as puzzles or problem solving. Others may be innately curious about languages, or the natural world. These varying interests can guide them towards a career in which they could pursue these interests full time. I ask these questions about interests to get students thinking internally first, rather than about salary or prestige. This is because success in any career is often connected as much to how they feel in that career and how it feeds them emotionally and spiritually than on its external rewards.

Pursuing a Career

Turning majors into careers requires work outside of the academic major. Let’s look at two items: skills and experiences. Many careers require generalized skills, such as critical thinking skills, analysis, problem solving, and effective communication. These are important enough that many colleges hold these skills as essential to the liberal arts. Check the curriculum of some colleges you know. I’ll wait. Students may develop and sharpen these skills not only in the major, but in other general education courses.

Experience is different. Does anyone want their veterinarian to have only spent time with animals while in veterinary school? (That’s an unfair question because I don’t know any vets who haven’t been passionate about animals since they were kids.) Writers often play with language from an early age, and aspiring engineers can’t stop taking things apart, and it’s best that they do so. So, if your student is thinking about a particular career, encourage them to gain some experience in that field through internships, shadowing programs, on-campus lectures and field experiences. Connecting majors to careers in this way gives them a taste of what’s to come should they pursue a particular career.

Help Them Become Proactive

Another excellent way to move from majors to careers is by interviewing people currently in their fields and asking them how they got there. Ask these folks for their advice on how to enter a career and the best way to pursue it. Students are often surprised to hear the insights these professionals give them. Many of my former students have decided against a career based on these interviews or field experiences. One wanted to be a dentist for years, but after a summer internship in a dentist’s office, decided against it. After a second field experience with an optometrist, he entered optometry school and is much happier than he would have been as a dentist. But it was only be being proactive that he was able to make this decision.

It’s Not The End

Even people who connect their majors to their careers and enjoy years of satisfying work may change careers later. That’s far more common today than in past decades. Let’s give our students the confidence to know that while they’re connecting majors to careers, they still have the opportunity change if they wish.

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Why This Is Happening

For background, the department of education was given a mandate by Congress to make changes in financial aid availability for students. For example, have you ever felt the FAFSA form was too long and too difficult to complete? Congress felt that way, too. They told the department of education to simplify the form and make it easier to complete. They also wanted more students to qualify for a Pell grant, a form of gift aid that isn’t repaid like a loan. So, the changes that were made in the FAFSA overhaul were designed to make financial aid more available to students.

The financial aid formula uses three years worth of data to calculate how much aid a student is eligible for. And the changes pushed by Congress would protect more of a family’s income from being counted in the aid formula. This would mean that earning slightly more money wouldn’t lower the financial aid a student could receive. But that only works when the formula is adjusted for inflation, which it wasn’t. This glitch resulted in $1.8 billion less being available in aid for all students, especially those who are low-income.

What The Department of Education Had To Do

The only way to fix this problem and the methodology, was to delay FAFSA results for millions of students. The department normally starts sending out information to students and colleges about financial aid eligibility in mid-January. According to some sources, this information will be delayed until at least March of this year, or perhaps April. This is the pressure point that is causing so much anxiety. Most families have to consider financial aid when making a final decision about colleges. Yet now, they’re less able to do it because of the flawed methodology of the FAFSA. Fortunately, colleges are fully aware of this squeeze on students and their families.

What Colleges Are Doing

May 1 is when most colleges want to receive enrollment deposits from their new students. This has been a standard since I was in college decades ago. But that isn’t likely to be the case this year. Many schools are pushing that date back to give students and their families more time to make their commitment. And they’ve been supported in this by several state and national educational organizations.

The department of education also supports this delay. Further, they are helping by reducing some of their verification activities to streamline the process. Verification is the process by which the department ensures that the information being submitted on the FAFSA is accurate. No one likes verification, but it is a necessary evil to reduce financial aid fraud. But the department is willing to lower that bar this year to help more students receive their financial aid packages sooner. They’re also sending teams of federal financial aid experts to under-resourced schools to help them navigate the process. Further, they allocated $50 million in additional technical training to schools.

What You Can Do Now

The first thing I’d recommend is to contact your student’s financial aid office. Ask them about pushing back your student’s enrollment deposit date if they’re an entering student. In addition, ask what specific measures they’re taking to process your student’s financial aid package more quickly. While it’s unlikely your student’s financial aid office isn’t already considering changes to their processes and dates given the FAFSA problem, this is not a time to be timid. Ask them what’s being done and don’t be shy about advocating for your student. Ask if they could run a preliminary aid package, or perhaps increase your student’s merit aid to close a gap you’re anticipating.

If your student is continuing in college, their financial aid office already has a sense of their eligibility from previous years. While this isn’t a perfect prediction of this year’s eligibility, they may choose to offer your student a preliminary package that is similar to the current year. This may ease your anxiety and your student’s.

I don’t suggest pointing fingers at the department of education, Congress or your student’s college. Stuff happens, and this problem resulted from well-intentioned changes to the financial aid system. Let’s do what we can together to reduce any harm that may come to students and their families.

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Accentuate the Positive

“Accentuate the Positive” was a popular song in the 1940s. The point of the song was to focus on the positive, and not dwell on the negative in any situation. That’s a great mantra for college students. Some students focus on how to start the semester right primarily because they didn’t perform well during their previous semester. But for most, dwelling on poor grades from the past won’t help them develop the proper attitude for success. Sure, bad grades aren’t good, but they also aren’t the end of the world, and both students and parents should recognize that. Grades are indicators of performance at a specific point in time, and students needn’t and shouldn’t dwell on them forever.

Having the right attitude going into a semester plays a significant role in student success. That said, encourage your student to start the semester with a smile and a determination to make the best of this term, regardless of the challenges ahead. But determination isn’t enough: they have to have a plan.

Making a Plan

Students who start the semester with a plan—a realistic one—are far more likely to succeed or earn higher grades than those who move mindlessly from semester to semester. An effective plan includes items such as a realistic study schedule and consistent class attendance. My friend and former associate director and I gave our students two rules: “Go to class, and turn sh*t in.” Faculty and staff are always amazed when students don’t follow these two simple rules.

Another feature of an effective study plan is using their time wisely, a particularly tough challenge for newer students. That’s what I struggled with in college, not only managing time, but using every hour most effectively. One of my former students as a senior told first-year students: “you have enough time in your day to get everything accomplished, as long as you are clear about how to use it.”

Learning How to Study

While this may seem obvious, many entering college students don’t have effective study strategies. Sure, they can read, but may fall into the trap of reading to get through the reading, rather than reading to understand. I’ve often told students “study the text so you could teach the lesson the following day.”

Experts suggest that studying in shorter, more intense sessions results in better knowledge retention than studying for extended periods of time. (I wish I knew that back in college!) Short sessions of 30- 45 minutes that include self testing—often by answering the questions included in the text—help students retain knowledge and also maintains their attention better than prolonged sessions. Cramming was never an effective strategy, and we have lots of evidence to support that.

A final suggestion I have about studying is selecting a study space that allows students to focus, which may not be in total silence. It’s best to designate a space that’s used for nothing but study. Experts suggest removing most distractions from the space, and assembling everything they need before they start. Proper lighting is a must, too. And while studying with a friend or study group may be helpful at times, most students need a bit more privacy for their regular studying. Noise cancelling headphones are also a great investment if students can’t otherwise block out distractions.

Using Their Resources

Students should also start the semester resolving to attend office hours and connect regularly with faculty. Every college I know of employs folks dedicated to student success. They may work in the tutoring center, wellness center, or in academic departments, but students committed to starting the semester off with a bang aren’t strangers to these offices.

Another great resources is a planner to keep track of assignments, study time, etc. It doesn’t matter if the planner is a fancy one or simply a calendar notebook in which students place their assignments, having a physical book often helps. Of course, students may prefer to rely on their phones for the same information, plus, they’re unlikely to lose a phone the way they might misplace notebooks. In any case, help them create or use a tool that will help them put their plans into effect, and hold themselves accountable.

Encourage Them To Be That Student

You know the ones I’m talking about: the student who always asks questions in class, even right when the professor is ready to dismiss class five minutes early. The student we groan at when they raise their hand, not because they dominate the discussion or they’re bad, but because they’re always on point, even when we’re not. Those students are maximizing their time in class, getting everything they can from their professors, and often excelling academically. They’re also the ones who receive excellent recommendations from their faculty for jobs or graduate school. When these students start the semester, you know they’re ready.

And isn’t that the student you want yours to be?

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Why It’s Stressful

Think about it. When your student was away for school, every decision they had to make: when to get up, when to study, whether to attend class or not, who to hang out with—everything is on them. They didn’t have an extra hand pushing them out of bed in the morning, or suggesting that they spend more time studying, rather than chilling with friends. This first dose of liberty is often freeing for college students. It’s so freeing in fact, that many parents worry—understandably so—if they aren’t a bit too free.

But whether they’ve made great decision or questionable, ones, the point is: they’ve made those decisions primarily on their own without direct parental involvement. What makes us think they want that direct parental involvement when they head home in December?

What They’re Looking For

I’ve spoken many times on the collegeandparents website about recommended changes in communication when students go to college. Before college, we often communicate with them as parent to child. There’s nothing wrong with that. But when they go to college—whether they leave home or not—the more effective  communication with them is adult to adult. So, the first thing I would suggest is that when you speak with your student as they come home from college—or beforehand—that you communicate with them as though they are a younger staff member you’ve been assigned to mentor on the job. One way of doing that is to ask them “what are some of your plans for the break,” rather than assuming that the plans you have are all they care about.

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t share your plans with them. You should. At the same time, recognize that part of being an adult is being comfortable with shifting plans. Embrace flexibility: Plans may change, and everyone’s schedule may be different during the holidays. Be flexible and adaptable as a way to avoid unnecessary tension.

Space

Your student may also appreciate a little space. You can provide that by not pushing them to get up at 8 o’clock in the morning to drive 30 minutes to see their grandparents. Encourage them to visit, but try to work with their schedule to make it possible. And you don’t have to be with them 24/7, as tempting as that is. Chances are, they’ll want to spend time with friends they haven’t seen in person for months now that they’re home from college. And since they’ll be around for awhile, let them take the lead on some of this.

Deeper Expectations

But all this talk about giving them space flexibility shouldn’t dissuade you from showing the one thing they can only get from their family. Show you care, in all the ways you normally would. You show you care by asking about their academic experiences, and what may have surprised them during the previous term. You can also show you care by supporting them when they share the challenges they’ve faced, or about the first “C’s,” they may have earned. Ask about their upcoming term as well in addition to any hurdles they may see on the horizon.

Defuse Conflict When You Can

When your student comes home from college, they’re most likely fatigued from the semester. Going to college is a full-time job with lots of overtime. As they complete a term, they’ve put a lot of energy into preparing for and taking final exams, and completing term papers. Put simply, when they come home from college, they’re pooped! And if you thought they could sleep a long time when they were in high school, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

This fatigue college students feel when they come home from college, coupled with your desire to hang with your favorite college student can lead to emotions being close to the surface. Employ humor when you can. When they balk about heading to see your parents, you might say “And if you think I’m going to face your grandmother without you, you’ve got another thing coming, bub” (with a smile, of course.) Or, if you have are concerned about your student heading out late to visit with friends, you might ask, “Do I need to send your tattling little sister with you to keep you out of trouble tonight?” If you both know their little sister is a notorious tattler, your meaning is clear.

You’ll Be Sad When They Go Back

For all the challenges of college students coming home from college, remember that when they go back, you’ll miss them. Do what you can to keep the conflicts low, be clear about your desire to spend time with them, and engage as best you can adult to adult. Your student will appreciate it, and you may marvel at the great young adult you’ve produced.

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