Prepare to Let Go

It’s time! They’re going off to college, and now you’re faced with a dilemma: how to help them with their transition to college and with your transition as well. Never fear. You’re not alone, and we’re here to help.

Before They Go

There are many ways to help ease your student’s transition to college. The first step is working on communication even before they go away. Discussing expectations, how to remain in contact, and that you’re still in their corner are three topics you’ll want to highlight. An important second step is to tell them that you’re proud of them, and that you want them to remember that as they start college. There is a reason for this, which is that…

College is Tougher

We know that college is more challenging than high school, and in ways many students don’t understand yet. What they do know, however, is that you have high expectations of them. One helpful suggestion is to let go of some of your—and their—expectations. This doesn’t mean you say instead “go there, have fun and don’t work hard.” My purpose in letting go of your expectations is to reduce the pressure students feel as they start college. Instead of expecting them to earn a 4.0 GPA their first semester, expect them to work hard, do their best and make themselves proud. We tell our students to work hard in school—and most do. But many place so much pressure on themselves in college that they freeze up and can’t function at all. That’s the last thing you want as they start college.

They Are Not Alone

Many students not only feel the pressure to perform, but the sense that they’re in way over their heads—classic imposter syndrome. If they feel unprepared with their academics, balancing their activities, larger class sizes, and the amount of work required outside out of class, they are not alone. Nationally, many students feel the same way. College Data’s survey showed that the sense of unpreparedness among students is both common and natural. The real question is: when your student feels underprepared, do they know what to do? Please urge them to use the support services their college offers, including their individual faculty members. Working on building their support network from day one is essential to helping them battle the sense that they don’t belong in college.

Their New Normal

Your student also needs to set new routines, for sleeping, exercise, etc. Many of these routines have been set by others before college, but once they’re on campus, it’s all on them. And while they’re working hard on their academics, encourage them to bring balance to their lives, by being involved socially, connecting with their peers, and taking it slow as they adjust. They could jump into college with both feet, but perhaps hitting the shallow end for a few weeks is more their speed. Encourage them to handle their transition to college their way.

Adulting 101

As parents, where we often worry the most is the ability of our students to “take care of business” when unique situations arise. Many have never set up their own appointments for medical care, tutoring or getting their car serviced. I refer to these practices as “adulting,” and there’s no better time for them to start adulting than in college. Seattle University is blunt when they suggest that parents should say “Just not my job” when their students ask for help in registering for classes or making appointments. That may be harsh, but it serves two purposes. First, it pushes them to connect with campus services as a young adult, and it helps us remember the change in our role with our students from directing their lives, to serving as a consultant.

A Final Word

Remember you are transitioning, too. Acknowledge that and seek your own support along the way as your student seeks the same on campus. This can work for both of you!