Parents of college students often struggle with a thorny question: when to call the college on their student’s behalf? The answer to that question may surprise you.
Why You’d Want to Call
Parents choose to call their student’s college for many reasons. The first is because they’re worried because they haven’t received many calls home. This makes sense. Parents should if aren’t concerned. But before you pick up the phone, remember that you can text your student, too. Text them, check out their social media, like Twitter or Instagram, and you’re bound to see they’re still active on them. If so, take a breath, and don’t worry.
Another reason parents call is when they’re concerned about a specific physical or mental health. Let’s say your student has been complaining about bed bugs, as noted in this Washington Post article. A call to ensure their health and safety in this situation is fair game.
Parents also call when they are worried about how their student is adjusting to campus. Are they getting along with their roommate, if they’re studying hard for their classes, or whether a professor is being fair with them. When these things occur, parents should resist the urge to intervene. College students have to learn how to handle these issues as young adults.
When You Should Call
Besides obvious health and safety issues, I’d also call—at least someone—when your student is completely off the radar: no phone calls, text or social media. Your call may make all the difference in helping your student dig out of a hole they may be in and get the help they need. I want to emphasize that this is rare: most students have enough of a footprint that they aren’t that hidden. That doesn’t mean that their absence doesn’t make you crazy though.
So, if you’re worried about life and limb, don’t sit at home fretting: call. And if you do, remember that because of FERPA, (the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act) that it may be a one-way conversation with you talking, and the college official listening. Don’t let that bother you. Let someone at the college know your concerns and ask that they do whatever they can. Then, you have to let it go, since the college is unlikely to call you back. This is a leap of faith, but that’s what we often do with our students when they’re young, right?
Call Your Student Instead
A better way to support your student is by calling them and not calling their college. Please maintain the lines of communications with your student throughout the college selection and transition process. Show that you care about and support your student, so that when you do offer advice or suggestions as a consultant, they’re likely to listen. You can use the list of resources you learned about at orientation, and refer your student to those resources. And that may be the best phone call you ever make.