As students begin returning home for the holidays, be those holidays Thanksgiving, or one of the many celebrated in December, parents and students often ask how they will get along? I addressed this in a previous post, and thought it would be good to repeat some of those points now.
What’s So Different
I spoke to one of my first-year students recently who was talking about visiting her high school. I reminded her that even seniors in high school don’t look the same as they did in the last year, and she stared at me. When I mentioned it again, she nodded, acknowledging that something did feel “off” when she visited her high school. First-year college students, if they are doing what they should be doing, look very different from high school students, even those who are seniors. They have developed a maturity—however thin that veneer may be—that anyone attuned to it can see in an instant. The students may also have a different hair color, and may have grown three full inches. Parents often comment on how different their students look after only two and half or three months in college. What is more difficult for family members to acknowledge is how to treat these very different looking young adults.
Everyone Adjusts—or Doesn’t—Differently
Yes, you may have heard from your student about how terrible the food is, or how they’re struggling with classes or time management. You may have fielded several of those weepy phone calls when they’re at the end of their ropes. One thing you might acknowledge as soon as they walk in the door, is how proud you are of them: taking on the challenge of college and surviving even a semester takes guts and a lot of hard work. Mind you, you still want them to finish the whole thing, if they can. The point is when they come home, even at Thanksgiving, they have things to celebrate, and so do you. And students who drag in the door, and are not exactly pleasant and cheerful may not realize they have anything to celebrate. Our job as family members is to remind them that they have a lot to be proud of.
If your student is still struggling at a very basic level, such as getting out of bed in the morning, and finding time to get assignments done, be open to a conversation about what resources exist on their campus to help them. Chances are, those resources exist, but your student hasn’t used them yet. Just as I remarked when writing Spring Orientation, this is the time to whip out the office names and contact info for those important services to suggest that your student use that support.
Making Their Time at Home Pleasant
Nobody wants your student’s time at home to be a series of battles about autonomy, expectations and new habits picked up in college. It’s unlikely that your student picked up a really bad habit in college. If they have, such as starting to smoke, you are within your rights to ask that they smoke outside your home. On the other hand, if they’ve developed the habit of sleeping while listening to music through their earbuds, that’s not a battle worth taking on. Position U For College has several tips that mirror what I’ve said in this post and others. Communication, flexibility and understanding on your part and your student’s will go a long way toward making their homecoming a positive experience for all.
And when it comes to the longer holidays in December, add several more doses of each!