Thanksgiving is my favorite secular holiday. It’s the one time I remember making the time to travel to my parents’ home with my kids, since we always stayed home for Hanukkah, Christmas and Kwanzaa. It was at Thanksgiving that my then-future wife met my extended family and vice versa, so it holds special meaning for me. And for parents and students who are just starting college, Thanksgiving may well be the first time you’ve been together for an extended period of time since orientation. Enjoy this time.
Of course, enjoying this time means different things to different people. For the parents of college students, it means smothering them (in a good way) with your attention and love since you’ve missed them for so long. Students feel the same way, too, yet the amount of time they need to be smothered and loved may be quite a bit less than parents want to give them. Here are a few tips to make Thanksgiving the wonderful positive holiday that it is.
Talk to your student before Thanksgiving
Discuss with your student what you expect, such as “we really want to go to Grandma’s place on Friday since she hasn’t seen you since graduation.” Make those expectations about where you want to go and with whom clear to your student beforehand. Another expectation to think about is curfew. If they’re like most college students, your student hasn’t had a curfew since leaving for school. Imposing an unreasonable one now isn’t likely to make you any points. Discuss what you expect and make it clear that you’d appreciate finding an agreed-upon time to be back in the house before they arrive home. Asking and discussing limits rather than imposing them the way you did when they were sixteen goes a long way toward strengthening your new relationship with your student.
Make the holiday low stress
Even with all the positives of being with family and away from the stresses of academics, spending time with family offers its own stresses. Recognize that with your student and try to make this whole experience low-key and unhurried. You’ll be glad you did.
Ask your student what they want to do
Sure, while the holiday has often been governed by you, there is another person in the mix who because he or she has been gone awhile, should be considered as well. Your student may expect to see lots of friends they haven’t seen since they left for school; honor that desire and speak with your student about it.
“Going home” can mean going back to “school”
Don’t be surprised when they talk about going home, and mean going back to school. I recall the first time I said this to my mother, perhaps at Thanksgiving or another time I visited home while in college. Once the words came out of my mouth, I immediately felt bad, but my mother said that it was alright: school was my home, too. In fact, the more your student feels at home at college, the better they’ll do, and that’s no negative reflection on the home you provide for them.
Marvel at their growth
It is quite possible—even likely—that your student will look a little taller, a little smarter and perhaps a lot more fatigued when they arrive home for Thanksgiving. Make a point of noticing one positive area of growth they’re showing you and comment on it. They’ll probably be surprised that you noticed, or even that you felt that way.
Following even a few of these points will make your first or subsequent Thanksgivings really positive for you and your student.
Enjoy!