It’s not a surprise that communication with new college students tends to drop off after you drop them off. After all, they’re excited about meeting their new friends and learning about how their college or university works. To be honest, that’s what they should do. On the other hand, parents are often dying for information and they never get the amount they want. Parents also want information about how classes are going, and many of us wonder if we’re getting the whole story from our students.
Why Communication is Important
A common question parents ask during their orientation is how they will know how their students are doing in the classroom. Given that family members are often helping students financially, this question is perfectly reasonable. Yet many times we’re told by college officials: “we can’t tell you anything about your student’s academic record,” because of FERPA: the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act. In short, FERPA says that the academic record of a student belongs to that student, and only that student can grant access to that information for anybody else, and that anybody includes you. Unlike high school where you could easily chat with your son’s teacher about his performance in Algebra II, no college professor is going to call and tell you that your son has been skipping classes. Many parents feel that without some official way to contact people at the college or university, they’re out of tools to help their student.
And let’s be honest about this: when parents are concerned about performance it isn’t about them, it’s about their student and helping their student succeed. So what’s a parent to do? Many have their student sign a FERPA release form, often available in the office of the college registrar. This form is signed by the student and authorizes parents to speak with college officials about their student’s records. Usually that record is academic or in the wellness or health center, or in the business office. Having this access often calms parents’ fears because at least they know they can call and get some information. My primary concern about the FERPA form is that parents shouldn’t rely on it as their primary tool to learn what’s happening with their students. The reason? Your student can sign the FERPA form during orientation, and then on the first day of classes take it back. And because they control their records, you won’t be informed that the form has been taken back. A far better way is to use the FERPA form as a back up, or last ditch tool to help you. The best way to learn what’s happening with a student in the classroom is to ask him or her.
What You Can Do
Good communication with a college student results from setting up guidelines and agreement on communication before school starts, not in the middle of a semester. Have an adult-type conversation with your student, asking them such things as: “how open are you to asking for help from you professors,” or “let us know how things are going in your classes so we can stop worrying.” (That last one sounds terrible, but students really don’t want their parents to worry, so placing a teensy bit of guilt might work for you). You can also ask them what was the wildest thing someone said in their political science class, or how they’re keeping up in their economics class, since they were concerned the most about that course. The point is to be clear about what you expect, and to maintain a strong connection with your student. It can be a good idea to talk about their assignments and how they feel about their ability to thrive in school. And certainly feel free to call them after an exam to see how they did or beforehand to pump them up. And remember all those little notes you sent to them in their lunchboxes? You can still do that through texts and other messages to show that you’re thinking of them. This is all to make sure that the lines of communication between you and your student are open, and so you can show them that you’re proud of them even when their performance isn’t what they or you expect. And if what you really want is to be able to support your student in every aspect of college, the best way is to make sure that communication with them is as sound and open as it can be, rather than using the FERPA form as your first line of defense.
To sum, the FERPA form may be good, but full and open communication is better.